im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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