listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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