that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
