I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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