i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
