living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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