Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
