Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
