what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
