I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
