Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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