I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
