Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
