Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
