Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
