That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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