Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
