I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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