You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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