im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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