Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
