She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
