so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
