mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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