did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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