I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
