I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
