Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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