hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
