I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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