rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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