Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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