I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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