I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
