Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
