OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
