Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
