it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize