it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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