talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
