I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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