Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
