Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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