Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
