I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
