Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
