But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
