Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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