i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
