Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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