I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ladies don't puke and tell
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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