my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
