Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
