just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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