i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
