it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
