your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
