Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
