I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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