well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He did a backflip because drugs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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