Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
