i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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