Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The Olympian is in my bed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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