she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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