I want to have your abortion
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
