Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
