You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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