Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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