I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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