make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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