I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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