Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I could fuck to npr.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
