3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
