I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
