idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
