At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
