You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize