Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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