Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
