Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
