"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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