he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
