He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
