He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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