I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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