someone get that fucking seahorse.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
